Okay. Your life SUCKS!! Really? No, really? Hmmmm. Since most everything is subjective, I will go with that.
Now, tell me (actually you’re telling yourself since I’m not there with you. Or, am I?) why it sucks!
Let’s see – not enough $$$; no boyfriend/girlfriend; no car – or the one you have sucks, too; your job is (a) too hard (b) too easy (c) your co-workers suck (d) does not pay enough (e) been there too long and you’re burnt out (f) you’re not in the field that you spent all those dollars for the college degree you got, because you discovered that it really didn’t interest you once you got the job, and you quit; (g) you’re flipping burgers when you should be managing a Victoria’s Secret; someone close to you just passed on; your dog/cat/rabbit/bird/turtle/snake/fish just died; you’re being evicted; you’re addicted to drugs, porn, food, Netflix, sex, money, whatever. Your parents, if you had any, were not good to you; you were just diagnosed with something scary; you’re a single mother/father; you have no friends (other than me).
The list just goes on and on.
Attachments can bring suffering! I am NOT saying that your situation is not real or serious. It is.
If I had a magic wand I would wave it in your direction and make everything better. There is WAY too much suffering in this world, period. People can be just downright mean and selfish, uncaring with no empathy or compassion. ‘You for me and everyone for me.’ The world comes with no guarantees. There is no operating manual for parents for their children. It is said that the only thing that is certain in life is death and taxes.
What I am saying is STOP and REASSESS your situation with a fresh set of eyes and mindset (that mindset thing is the most important). Stop feeling sorry for yourself. ‘Oh, poor me.’ No one cares – maybe no one does care – but YOU do! And, so do I. As I shared in another post we are all related by DNA, through our Fathers. So you are literally my Sister/Brother, so Yes, I do care. Stop throwing yourself that ‘pity party’ and pull your boot straps up and get on down the road! I am NOT saying it is easy. But the journey does indeed start with the first step, and the decision to ‘step’ starts in your mind.
Okay, some Buddhist stuff.
It is said that our brain and whatever the heck is going on in there is a ‘Mind-stream,’ Citta-samtana in Sanskrit for all you wordies out there. It is the stream of succeeding moments of mind or awareness. From one moment to the next, or from one lifetime to the next if that is your belief. I won’t go into a deeper explanation at this time, I just want to set the stage for your understanding.
So, let’s visualize your ‘Mind’ as a continually flowing stream. A warm, or cold if you prefer (lukewarm?) calm, peaceful, clear water. ‘Clear’ is the focus here! As your mind-stream flows it collects things that YOU put into it. Now HERE is where it gets interesting. If you put ‘dirt’ into it, it will get muddy and you won’t be able to see the ‘clearness’ anymore. Get it? I know you do. If YOU keep throwing ‘dirt’ into it, it will never be ‘clear.’ Your mind will stay muddy – or negative. A ‘clear’ mind is positive. Yes, I am aware that the Lotus flower grows in muddy water, but that is a different discussion.
‘Dirt’ is a metaphor for your thoughts. If all you are caught up in are negative thoughts, then your mind-stream will continue to be negative. This ‘condition’ will only perpetuate itself and keep you in a negative thought mode. And, your life will continue to SUCK!!
Now it is time for you to compare your life with others.
Do you have a roof over your head – even though it may be a tent or a cardboard box, or your car roof?
Do you have food, or at least access to food?
Do you have clothes, even though they may be worn out and dirty?
Do you have some form of transportation, even though it may be your own two feet?
Do you have a job? And, don’t you dare tell me that there’s no jobs available.
Do you have friends, other than me?
Do you have your health, at least general health? I’m not saying access to health care.
Here are some statistics:
About 10% of the worlds population are starving – that’s 828 Million people! Every day!
In the U.S. that translates to about 17 Million people. Every day!
About 650+ thousand people in the U.S. are homeless.
Over 21% of the homeless have reported having a serious mental illness issue.
Over 16% of the homeless have reported having a substance use disorder.
And, these are the people who have ‘reported,’ so the actual numbers are higher.
Addressing the people above in those statistics is challenging – socially, politically and economically. I just wanted to point out the above people in those terrible conditions, to let you consider that you may not be that bad off compared to them, no matter how bad you believe your situation to be. There is always someone worse off.
So, how do you start to clear your mind-stream and quit throwing that mental dirt into it? By starting off with a Grateful practice!
I WANT you to begin in the morning, once you open those eyes of yours, before you get out of bed, and as you close your eyes before sleep. Think of ALL, and I mean ALL of the things that you are grateful for before starting the day, or night if you work graveyard, and before falling asleep.
What kind of things? Everything that you can think of in the moment. Examples? Here’s some of mine as I wake up – ‘I am grateful for a good nights sleep, my very comfortable mattress, waking up on this side of the dirt (an old cowboy saying), my health, my family, my job, etc.’ When I close my eyes before sleep – ‘I am grateful for the whole day, the people I work with and met, the food I ate, my car, my family and friends, the roof over my head, the fact that I didn’t get hit by the frickin crazy drivers around here, etc.’
Yes, you will forget some things, but the idea is to change your mindset to a more positive attitude. Buddhism is about changing your mind, remember? Just those few moments of clarity are the opposite of negativity or ‘dirt’ that you throw into your mind-stream. It has to start somewhere.
From there you start to see things differently. One mind-step at a time. Baby steps, yes, but steps nonetheless.
The co-worker that’s an Ass? Hey, they may have things going on in their world you have no idea about, and they bring that negative energy to work and project it on others. So say/do what you can to maybe help alleviate their suffering. I’m not saying it will work, but YOU will be thinking in the positive and not the negative – no dirt into YOUR mind-stream.
The same thoughts apply to pretty much everything you encounter during your waking hours. Less dirt, more mental clarity, peacefulness, and more being grateful. Baby mental steps. And, yes this works!
Story time.
This just happened a short while ago.
I have a good friend. He went through a double-lung transplant! WOW! They were the lungs of a young woman – enter jokes here, but also have compassion for her and her family, and be grateful that she was an organ donor. I lost my niece last year. She was 38 and an organ donor; everything except her lungs. I miss her a lot, think of her often, and she is in my grateful practice.
He has lived over 5-years past his ‘due date’ for this kind of surgery, is 59, and is now in uncharted waters.
Over lunch we somehow got on the subject of $$, and all he could complain about was the $1,200 he spends every month on the drugs he takes daily to keep him alive. WTF!
Let’s just say he and his family are very, very well off. Did I say ‘very?’ This monthly amount is pocket change, and it’s only the pennies. So, if you know the Badboodha, I laid into him. ‘You ungrateful ……., you got a second chance on life, were at the front of the receiving line for those lungs, and that monthly $$ is nothing to you!’
Then, he complained that because of the transplant he can’t do a lot of the things he used to do that took a lot of energy and lung capacity, and that he’s kind of in slow-motion now. ‘Okay, but you’re ALIVE!!! You still drive, walk, eat, talk, function pretty normally, travel, your Mom and Dad are still around, you have sex! And ….. you’re ALIVE!!!’
I told him that he better be looking at his glass as being half full instead of half empty and be GRATEFUL of how fortunate he is. Change your mindset and quit throwing ‘dirt’ into your mind-stream!!
What did he say then? He started all over again, but from a different angle. Justification, excuses, rationalization. I just shut him down, saying I didn’t want to hear any of it, anymore. Because he’s a smart dude, most of the time lol, I saw his eyes change in recognition, then HE started saying how he should be GRATEFUL instead of negative. Change how he looks at things. YEA! Then he thanked me for showing him the errors of his ways. All I did was hold the mirror up to his mind. He did all the work.
Just like you can do!
If you just take a step back mentally, breath in deep and relax, you will see that although your life may not be exactly what you want/need it to be, or expected, you are not waiting for a double lung transplant, and if you are, I hope you are at the front of the line.
The picture for this blog is taken in a possible slum or at least not on Rodeo Drive. The eyes on what appears to be a young girl look a bit hopeless to say the least. But, the young boy holding her is smiling! What is he thinking that he could be joyful about, especially in the conditions that they are in? How about a grateful mindset?
How about this for an analogy. When the day begins and it starts to get light out, that light begins creeping through the edges of the bedroom curtains. Then it gets brighter, and if you are awake (after doing your grateful practice) you notice this. If your window faces the rising Sun it gets brighter quickly. When you open those curtains, the full force of that brightness comes pouring in.
A grateful practice begins as a small change to your mind-stream, and then that small change starts to grow, and you will start to notice this. Your mind will become clearer, less negative. And then that mind-stream will be clear from the full affect of no more dirt being thrown into it. You will smile and laugh a lot more. A sunrise/sunset will shine even brighter. The sight of children playing will remind you of your youth. Taking the time to review what you have will be the condition for you to appreciate it more.
Will it stay clear? Well, of course not. Life sucks lol. Around the next corner will be a condition for suffering, but it is up to you on how you will react. You can use that condition as ‘dirt’ for your mind-stream or not. But because that stream is already clear, or at least clearing, it will be easier to choose. There will be days/nights when you forget to do your practice. I do, because of different reasons, but when I get back to it it reminds me that I must take that time and reflect. And that allows me to really appreciate what I have.
I like to make things simple if possible. If asked what time it is, I will tell you the time, and not how to build the clock, unless you ask me. Yes, there are other Buddhist-style ‘paths’ than you can begin on, but I like this one because it is simple. When you are thinking about everything that you are grateful for you are also in a state of meditation, and that also helps to calm your mind. Every little bit helps!
Take stock in what you HAVE. Consider the homeless, drug addled, mentally challenged people you see on the streets, and be GRATEFUL for the life that you have. And help them if you can. I carry clothes that I share with others out there. And socks!! A very underrated item, and which you can get cheaply and in bundles at Wally World. Helping others allows you to see where you are in comparison to others less fortunate. You are no better than them, you just have more stuff.
Trust me, your life does not really suck!
